I never liked the idea of having twins.
All I’ve ever known for sure is that I wanted to be a mama, but when people would tell me that they wanted twins the idea made me almost sad. How could I possibly mother them well as babies? How could they both get the sort of attention from me that they needed exactly at the time they needed it? No. It most definitely wasn’t for me.
The year I turned ten, our neighbours had identical twin girls. So for the next five years I was over there knocking on their door as often as I possibly could. I love those girls, adults who now are both mamas, and I loved my role as their ‘big sister’. But it never made me want to have my own twins.
When my husband and I were talking about starting a family, he used to say he wanted twins - (I used to say I wanted four children - we both won there ;) Still, the idea of twins worried me for no other reason than wondering how I’d care for them equally, and if I could be enough.
So then, I had twins of course - thank you universe, sincerely. Fraternal girls, my third and forth babies. I’ve never been happier to be proven wrong.
In the early weeks of pregnancy I couldn’t shake the thought of twins. Not that I thought I was pregnant with them, twins were just in my head. I dreamt about twins when I rarely have dreams I remember. I mentioned it to three friends only. When I went for my dating scan at almost six weeks pregnant, the sonographer quickly turned the screen away from me, but I’d already seen the two black circles housing my two tiny grey fuzz balls. Twins. I’d dreamt about them because somehow, I knew.
Now that I have my twins and they are past their first year - the most steep learning curve of my life - I can’t imagine never experiencing the joy of mothering twins. Because this joy has been the biggest and most rewarding surprise of my life.
Their newborn days were rough. But, I had the gift of experience twice before so knew that all of that would pass all too soon. I quickly learned how to pick them up at the same time, how to tandem feed them, how to wrangle bath time and how to settle them to sleep together.
As they grew, I grew with them, learning how to manage the next stage, and the next and then the next. We were supported incredibly by our village, our freezer was kept full of meals, there were always offers of extra arms. The girls were mostly content babies and my thumb sucker made life easier.
They are adored by their older siblings, now that they’re toddlers they are joining in on any shenanigans they possibly can. Watching the girls play and laugh together is endearing, watching them grow independent of each other, into their unique personalities, is beautiful.
Our house is chaotic, it’s a mess, we stay up too late but it is a happy house. So full of laughter, joy and endless amounts of love. Every single day I feel incredibly lucky to have these children, to have twin girls to round out my brood. While I couldn’t think about having twins before, now I cannot imagine never experiencing the special joy it is to mother twins. There is always something magical about a brand new life, but two at the same time is something otherworldly. I’m happily eating my words now, because all I feel is incredibly lucky.