A little while ago, in a moment of rare quiet and solitude, I was struck by an epiphany. I love a good epiphany. Though I never can find one if I go hunting for one, which makes the epiphanies that switch all of the lights on in my heart and head at exactly the same time, all the more sweet. So in this quiet moment, I sat down with a few of my favourite pens (must always have more than one option), a pile of blank paper and wrote a brain dump. If you’ve never done it - do it! Please. The stuff you can dig up and the directions it drags you around once you get going is amazing - like finding beautiful epiphanies that feel like the penny finally dropped.
You see, when it comes to a career, I’ve always wanted to work under my own steam and do something that feels important. Not life saving, earth shaking stuff on a global domination scale, but work that felt good and important to me and work that was important and helpful I guess, to someone else. I only properly realised that I should do something about that though once I was pregnant with my first child and realised that being the stay at home Mum of dreams was not going to eventuate. Too late! By that time you’re kind of back peddling, babe in arms, dream-dreaming while putting motherhood first. So much bad juggling. I don’t regret putting motherhood first, I will always put my role as mama first. I do regret that I didn’t realise this before when I had all the time in the world to do the work to build something instead of watching back to back episodes of Friends of a weekend.
A constant in all these years has been photography, turning a roll of film through my clunky old cameras is a joy. Having a besotted mama loose herself in her baby’s face in front of my camera does me in completely. Knowing that I’m marking time for them makes me feel like I’m contributing towards their family’s legacy in a beautiful way. I felt pulled in other directions too, all sorts of creative directions, food making and writing directions, writing directions, supporting women directions and birth, the fourth trimester, new motherhood directions.
So I let this brain dump take me there, and whoa. Wow. The first moment of clarity came with recognising that I don’t have to choose just one thing in this life. If I’m my own boss, I set the boundaries and I make the rules too. The second moment of warm, peace-filled clarity came when I realised that something that connected all the dots was motherhood. Ding! Ding! Then I leant right into it and it all flowed out. I have an itch to write, so I will write about motherhood and mamas and this season of life. Photography will always be there, it is in me, so I will photograph families with motherhood as my focus. (Pun always intended). I will support women in their season of motherhood by coaching business mamas who want do their own thing too, carve their own way, parent on their own terms. And through all of this, I will support my own season of motherhood.
This epiphany is equal parts calming and excitingly energising. I don’t know exactly how and when it will all unfold but I will begin with the writing, here.
[A note on what I write here. I’m not an expert on you and yours. I’m not a trained professional. I do not believe that my way is superior to yours, my choices don’t render your choices incorrect. I write here to serve as a reminder to myself as much as to cheer on all mothers, celebrate motherhood and curate my perspective from where I stand.]